Past was past

This is my first time to let go of my feelings. I was a bisexual. Seven years ago I was so painstakingly heartbroken. She was my bestfriend, companion, pal. lover, partner. I used to baby her. Everything was well. Until we have reached our third year and she has find another love, told me several lies I could not accept. I was so devastated and I don't know back then if I could live without her. I was dependent on her. I have gave all my love to her and nothing was left for me, to love myself. Yes, I was a fool. Just to forget her, I drank a lot, dated a lot of guys (Yes! finally I was interested to date a guy!), went out nightclubbing every single night, just to get her out of my system. But I failed.

I was searching for a new love, for I believed it would be the best solution to forget her, not to forget, but instead get her out of my system. My search for a new love was a guy, I was not searching for Mr. Right, but instead I want something that has a spark. Until finally I felt the spark I've been longing for when I met this amazing guy. The first time I saw him, as if everything became so quiet, deafening, I could hear nothing, I was brainfreezed. It seems like hours, but it was just a matter of second. I was still recuperating from my heartbreak that time. I still love her, and yet I was in love with Mr. Amazing, ahhh, what a great feeling. So sweet, you could almost taste it. It was so great to fall in love.

Unfortunately we were leaving miles apart, long distance love as they say. I survived without her love because I had him, but still I kept on seeing my ex-lover, I know she still loves me, and I know I still loved her too. But it was all too late. I do'nt want to feel cheated. I don't know if I could take it anymore. So I still went on with my relationship with Mr. Amazing and at the same time seeing her with no strings attached.

Years has passed and my relationship with Mr. Amazing was becoming deep and my ex-lover, as time passed, we became more of good friends ( that's a good thing though!hah!). Until I have reached the point of no return. I quit my job, turned down a good career, just to be with him. I was fed up having a distance relationship. We lived together and now we have a blessing from heaven, my sweet baby boy, sweet breath, such a cry baby, but I love him so much.

I thought the romance would last, but I was wrong, they were right. As years passed by, the romance was gone and reality will slowly sink in. Sadly, he was not my confidante, my best pal, unlike my ex-lover. I could not pour unto him what's inside me, for he won't listen or just say sarcastic remarks. He is very sarcastic, that's what I hate about him. So I just kept it all inside me.

I am in a different place now, away from the place where I grew up, had fun, where all of my friends are; I could not call that place my home, because for where my partner and my son is, that is my home. I have to live with my choice. This is my life now. Past was past. I could never bring back the good and bad days. I missed my friends, friends from high school, happy days back from college, good and bad friends from college. I am not young anymore. But deep inside my heart I am still young. I want to go back to work, but I dont want to leave my angel to someone whom I don't know. Perhaps sacrifice more, even if I feel so tired, exhausted, exasperated. As long as I am giving love to the people I love, I am happy. To see my son grow is an achievement even if I do not have career right now. To take care of my partner and my son makes me happy, even if sometimes I felt so unappreciated. I should not live with the past for past was past. I should live for the present and learn from my mistakes to have a brighter future.